LIFE OF THE PARTY
by Patcat
Summary: Departure
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE

"It doesn't seem that long ago that we were having one of these," Alex commented. She sipped her margarita.

"Yea," Bobby said softly. He took a drink of the dark, smoky liquid in his glass.

"For a while there, I was afraid I'd be going to one of these for you," Alex said.

Bobby thought she must have consumed a fair amount of alcohol to admit such a thought. During his suspension, she never betrayed any sign that she thought he wouldn't be back on the job.

"I was afraid of that too," he confessed. He looked around the crowded bar. "But I doubt there would've been a turnout like this for me."

"Don't," Alex said, her tone sharpened by rum. "Don't say things like that about yourself. Besides…" Her voice softened. "I think you'd be surprised by how many people would show up."

Bobby stared into his glass.

"You know…" Alex leaned forward over the table. "One of the reasons you got back is because a lot of people wanted you back."

"I…I know…" he said. "Ross…Your family…You…Especially you…But…I can't ignore things like the thing in my desk…Who put it there…Who agrees with them…"

"Maybe you should ease up a bit," Alex said. "You're getting morbid."

"You're probably right." Bobby lifted his glass and looked through it. "It's just…I don't know Logan that well…But he stood up for me a couple of times…" Bobby thought of the trust Logan showed him when the murderous guards confronted them and the support the other detective showed him outside Kevin Quinn's house. "We've had a couple of drinks together. I…I just feel like I've lost a friend I just made and didn't really get to know."

"Yea," Alex said after a moment. "That's what I feel like too."

"Poor Wheeler," Bobby said gently and sympathetically. "She's trying to put on a brave face."

"She's having a rough time of it," Alex said. "Her fiancé…He's English or something European…The FBI picked him up for money laundering or one of those money crimes…Ross think it has something to do with that crummy DA…"

"Sorta thing makes me miss Carver," Bobby said. "He'd fight us…me…tooth and nail…He didn't always see the grey areas…But he was honest, and once we convinced him, he'd fight with us."

"Yea…He respected us…you," Alex said.

"He always respected you." Bobby smiled. "I think he just got tired of fighting me." He looked at Alex. "Did you ever find out why he left the ADA's office?"

Alex shrugged. "Money…His kids…He wants them to have fewer struggles than he did. His wife had a health scare, and they realized they couldn't make it just on his salary. You know he adores his wife and kids. Give him a minute, and he'd have their pictures out in a flash."

Bobby nodded. "That's one of the things I respected him for. And I did respect him…Even when I thought he was the brick wall I butted my head against…"

"It was always a challenge to be between the two of you…And don't apologize for that, Bobby," Alex added as Bobby opened his mouth. "I miss it, to tell the truth."

"I think the real reason he left is for the same one that Logan is leaving," Bobby said. "He got tired of always swimming upstream…Of always fighting losing battles and clinging to little victories. We know those feelings." He stared into his glass. "And I think what happened to Deakins was the last straw for Carver."

"Speak of the devil…or devils…Look…" Alex nodded her head in the direction of the bar.

Bobby peered out from the booth's shadows. He saw Ron Carver and James Deakins warmly greeting Mike Logan. "Of course they'd come." Bobby spoke his thoughts out loud. "They're both class acts."

"Poor Wheeler's looking lost…I'm going up and introducing her to Deakins and Carver. Logan might not remember even if he's sober…Which I don't think he is…"

Bobby smiled. Alex had subtly taken Megan Wheeler under her wing—at least as much as Captain Ross allowed it and as Alex could while dealing with her own and Bobby's troubles. As much as Bobby noticed the young detective in the midst of those troubles, he sensed that Wheeler was grateful for Alex's advice. From their brief encounters, Bobby liked Wheeler. She reminded him of Alex in some ways. Wheeler was quietly tough. She wasn't afraid of Bobby. She looked beyond the rumors surrounding Bobby and Alex. And she stuck by and up for her partner.

"Go," Bobby told Alex. "Give her a break."

"Promise me not to get in any trouble?" Alex said as she stood.

"I'll do my best," Bobby answered. "But it sure has a way of finding me."

He huddled back in the booth and watched Alex approach Wheeler. Alex led the younger detective through the crowd and started to introduce her to Carver and Deakins. Before Alex spoke with either man, Deakins wrapped her in a hug that left her speechless. Deakins said something to her, and they both looked in Bobby's direction. Bobby remained hidden in the shadows. He hadn't spoken to his former captain since they'd shared a drink roughly a week after Bobby's return from his suspension. It was the night Bobby started to feel that Alex might forgive him for going undercover at the strip club. Bobby felt a wave of guilt as he remembered that Deakins had gone out of his way to stay in touch with him during his suspension. Deakins suggested that Bobby come to work with him in the private security firm that he'd joined after his forced departure from the NYPD. In spite of Bobby's insistence on staying with the department, Deakins steered a couple of temporary jobs to Bobby. And Bobby sensed that Deakins had something to do with Alex's warming towards him.

"He did all those things for me," Bobby thought. "And probably a lot more that I don't know about…And I cost him his job…" Bobby's head began to swim, and he wished he hadn't drunk so much so fast. He looked again up at the bar. Alex had finally introduced Wheeler to Carver and Deakins, and a clearly not sober Logan had joined them. "Air," Bobby thought. "I need some air…" He stood and unsteadily walked to the door. Had he held his head up he might have seen the mix of curious and sympathetic looks he got as he moved through the crowd.

A welcome rush of cool air hit him as he stepped out on the sidewalk. Bobby shuffled away from the bar's entrance and considered cadging a cigarette from one of the many cops grabbing a smoke. He leaned back against the bar's brick exterior and wondered if he should go home and type up his resignation.

"Well, hell." Bobby heard a vaguely familiar voice. "What's going on? Why's the place so crowded?"

Bobby wondered why the voice produced such an uneasy feeling in him.

"Farewell party for a copy," another voice said.

"Hey…Maybe we can get some free drinks," the first voice said. "Who's the cop…"

"A guy from Major Case…"

"Major Case? Did they finally get rid of that whack job Goren?"

Bobby recognized who the voice belonged to. It was Patrick Copa's.

"I gotta get out of here," Bobby thought. He considered continuing down the street, but remembered he'd driven Alex to the bar. He didn't know where the alley went or how deep it was. His only choice was to head back into the bar. And, not for the first time in his life, Bobby wished he was smaller and could hide among others.

He tried to cling to the wall as he inched up the crowded sidewalk. He'd almost reached the bar's door when a hand on his shoulder roughly spun him around.

"Oh, damn," Bobby thought as Copa's angry face loomed in front of him.

END CHAPTER ONE


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

Alex hadn't expected such an enthusiastic reception from Jimmy Deakins and Ron Carver. Carver didn't hug her, but seized her hand with so much affection that Alex thought he might pull it off. And when Deakins wrapped her in a hug, Alex momentarily forgot about Wheeler.

"Alex," Deakins said warmly. "It's good to see you. Where's your partner? I hope he's trying to stay out of trouble."

"He tries," Alex said. "But it sure has a way of finding him. He's over there…In that booth…" She nodded in the booth's direction. She and Deakins saw Bobby huddling in the shadows.

Deakins sighed. "He's still kicking himself around…"

"Yea," Alex said. She suddenly remembered Wheeler, who was standing patiently behind her. "But, I need to introduce you to someone…Logan probably forgot…"

She lost track of Bobby as she introduced Wheeler to Deakins and Carver. Logan, somewhat less than sober, appeared to alternately thank and apologize to Deakins, and Alex was glad she was in slightly better shape than her former colleague. She wondered if Bobby had ceased his consumption of Scotch.

"I need to check on him," she thought and looked back at the booth. Bobby's absence didn't bother her at first; she assumed he was in the bathroom or talking to someone. But as minutes passed and she saw no sign of her partner, Alex grew worried.

"Hey, Jenkins," she asked one of the CSU techs that she knew was a Bobby Goren fan. "You see my partner?"

"The biggest guy in the room?" Jenkins grinned. "Yea…He was headed outside…Look like he needed some fresh air."

"How long ago?"

"Uh…About fifteen minutes ago, I think."

As an uneasy weight settled in her stomach, Alex looked around the bar.

"Hey, Alex." Logan appeared next to her. "Anything wrong?"

"I can't find my partner," Alex said. She didn't try to hide the worry in her voice. She knew Logan was on her and Bobby's sides. "And I got a bad feeling about it."

"With that ESP thing you and Goren have, and the way he attracts trouble," Logan said. "I wouldn't ignore it. Where'd you last see him?"

"One of the CSU guys saw him going outside for some fresh air," Alex said.

"He wouldn't just leave?" Logan asked as he followed her to the door.

"Not without saying goodbye to you," Alex said. "And he gave me a ride here. He wasn't quite drunk…Probably in better shape than the two of us…But he wouldn't drive a car…Or leave me without making sure I had a ride…"

"He's probably grabbing a smoke or just clearing his head," Logan said reassuringly. "C'mon…I'll go out with you…"

"It's your party, Logan," Alex said. "You shouldn't have to…"

"It's my party…and I can do what I want to," Logan smiled. "And I could use some fresh air myself…Besides, I'm starting to feel like I'm at my own funeral…All these people telling me how much they'll miss me and what a great guy I am. Where were they when I needed them?"

The cool air struck them as they left the bar. For a moment the bright street light and the crowd confused them. Alex, the weight growing in her stomach, scanned the crowd but found no sign of Bobby.

"Alex." Logan sounded much more sober. "There…Who's that with Goren?"

"Damn," Alex said. "What the hell is Patrick Copa doing here? And what's he doing with Bobby?"

END CHAPTER TWO

Apologies for the shortness of this chapter. It was a natural break.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE

"Oh, God," Bobby thought. "I'm sorry, Eames. I got myself in trouble again." He closed his eyes and waited for the crash of Copa's fist against his face and the resulting pain. When, after several moments, he felt neither the crash nor the pain, he opened his eyes. Instead of Copa's angry face, he saw a shocked Alex standing a few feet away from him.

"Oh, God," Bobby thought again. "Please don't let her get caught in this mess." He stared at her for a moment. "Where's Copa?" he thought. Bobby heard a strangled cry just to his right. He turned, and saw Mike Logan jamming Copa up against the brick wall.

"I…I'll report this," Copa spluttered. "Get your damn hands off me!"

Logan laughed the dark, careless laugh of a man who had nothing to lose.

"There's no one to report it to, you rat bastard," Logan snarled. "I'm the guy they're having the farewell party for."

Fear filled Copa's eyes.

"I'm just like you…a private citizen," Logan continued. "What you say we go into this alley and talk as a couple of private citizens?"

Copa shrunk several inches. "I…I don't have any beef with you…but…Goren…He cost me my job…"

"Goren's my friend," Logan said firmly. "Guy saved my life. If you got a beef with him, you got a beef with me."

Bobby eased his body from the wall and looked at the crowd. It consisted mostly of cops. He was nearly sober, but he couldn't gage the crowd's mood to tell if it was filled with Copa's friends, Logan's supporters, or curious neutral bystanders.

"Logan," Bobby said cautiously. "You don't have to…"

Logan remained focused on Copa. "Yea, I do, Goren," he said. "I wouldn't blame Goren for your troubles, Copa. I know about you. How you left your partner for a quickee with your girlfriend…"

Copa blinked and looked desperately for his friends. He saw only hostile faces, with Alex and Logan's the angriest among them. The only vaguely sympathetic face he saw belonged to Bobby Goren.

Logan shoved Copa in the direction of the alley. "And you shouldn't have been on the job anyway," he said. "And you knew it. And then you lied to protect yourself. Not only did you help get your partner killed, you lied and his killer nearly got away with it."

"Logan," Bobby said softly. "It's not worth it…It's not a big deal…Don't ruin your party by messing with this guy."

"It just might make the party for me," Logan said. "There's a lot of things I won't miss about the job…I've seen a lot of terrible things…But bad cops like you…They're the worst." Logan nodded at Bobby. "You see that guy, Copa…Take a good look at him. He's what you aren't…What you'll never be…A good cop. A great detective. A great partner. A good man. I'd rather have one cop like him backing me up than a thousand like you."

Bobby's heart pounded and his head spun. For a moment, he was afraid he'd have to lean back against the wall for support.

A figure moved through the crowd. "What's going on?" Danny Ross asked. He saw Copa, and a look of anger and disgust crossed his face.

"Logan," Alex said calmly. "Was dealing with an unwanted arrival."

Several of the cops smiled. Logan released his grip on Copa, but didn't back away.

"Get out of here, Copa," Ross said, not trying to hide his anger. "Get out of here before I let Logan at you. This party is for good cops and a good ex-cop."

Copa scuttled away, tossing frequent, fearful looks over his shoulder.

"I can't leave you three alone for a minute without you finding some trouble to get into," Ross said as the crowd broke up.

"More like trouble finds us," Alex said. She turned to Bobby. "You ok?"

He looked at her, then Logan, and then Ross. "Uh…Yea…I'm fine…"

Alex shook her head. "Bobby, Bobby, Bobby…I can't let you out of my sight."

"I…I just needed some fresh air," Bobby said plaintively. "That's all…"

Ross fought against smiling. At that moment, Robert Goren reminded him of one of his teenaged sons caught doing something he wasn't sure he should be.

"It's ok, Bobby," Alex said. "I'm really angry with Logan."

"With me!" Logan said. "Hey, I'm the one who rescued your partner!"

"And deprived me of the pleasure of dealing with Copa myself," Alex said.

"You may have just saved Copa's life," Ross said.

"I shoulda let Eames at him, then," Logan grinned.

"Or you may have saved Eames' career," Bobby said softly.

Logan broke the awkward silence that followed Bobby's words. "Well, if I'm such a hero, somebody better buy me a drink."

Logan led them back into the bar. Bobby took up the rear. "I…I'm sorry," he said to Alex as he held the bar's door for her.

"Bobby," Alex said patiently. "Did you call Copa and ask him to wait for you? Did you confront him? Fight him?"

"No…"

"Well, then…Even I can't blame you for this. C'mon…I'm pretty sure I can get a margarita out of Deakins. I be you can get a Scotch out of Carver."

Bobby reluctantly followed her into the bar.

END CHAPTER THREE


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR

"Where were you?" Wheeler asked.

"Getting in trouble, of course," Alex laughed. "Captain Ross showed up and saved us all."

"You still need rescuing?" Deakins smiled.

"Good to see you, Jimmy," Ross said warmly. "I hear life as a private citizen is going well for you."

"I can't complain, Danny…Detective Wheeler's been bringing me up to date about things in Major Case. I tried to warn you about this trio."

"Yea," Ross said. "You did. They're living up to your reports. Give me more headaches and clear more cases than the rest of the squad put together."

Bobby felt lost and confused. He didn't know if it was the result of his confrontation with Copa, his happiness at seeing Carver and Deakins again, his gratitude for Ross' comments, his sadness at Logan's departure, or his worries for Eames, but he felt almost exactly as he did when he graduated in the top ten of his Academy class and had no one attending the ceremony.

"Bobby," Deakins said warmly. The older man seized Bobby's hand and pulled him into a hug. "It's good to see you again."

Bobby thought of how often he'd longed for a similar gesture from the man he thought was his father or from his brother. His confusion grew.

"You look like you could use a drink," Deakins continued. "You still drink that expensive Scotch?"

"Yes, he does," Alex grinned. "Especially if someone else is buying."

"I…I'd be happy to buy…" Bobby stuttered.

"No you don't, Bobby." Deakins smiled. "I'm doing very well. Much better than when I was with the Department. And I don't get to see you that often."

Bobby found a drink in his hand before he could respond. He found more drinks appearing in his hand through the evening.

"I always agreed with your taste in liquor, Detective," Carver said as he handed Bobby one of those drinks. "Even if I was disagreeing with everything else."

Bobby couldn't tell if the lawyer was the better or the worse for drink.

"Eames and I were talking earlier." Bobby let the words form carefully in his head and mouth before he spoke. "We both…We both miss working with you…Even if we sometimes seemed to be working against you."

Carver smiled, and Bobby thought that he'd rarely seen the man smile at him—at Alex, yes, but rarely at Bobby. "I realize now," Carver said. "That you and Detective Eames were both admirable colleagues and worthy opponents. I've experienced some things from the opposite side of the court, and I appreciate how ethical you and Ms. Eames are."

Bobby felt his face flush. "I…Eames and I…are glad we haven't had to face you in court."

"I would want to face either one of you," Carver said genially. "Although I doubt it'll ever happen. Ethics aside, I've already warned one of my colleagues against taking a case to court because you and Detective Eames were the investigating officers. I told his chances were better if he advised his client to take a plea."

Bobby felt tremendously grateful to Carver, but had no idea of how to express it. "Thank you," he finally said. "But I'm not sure I'm happy to be known as a terror of lawyers."

Carver smiled. "I can't tell you how many times I had a defense attorney agree to a plea when he or she learned you and Detective Eames were the detectives on a case."

"Afraid of us…or afraid of Detective Eames?" Bobby asked.

"Some didn't want to be humiliated by either of you," Carver said. "But the majority…It was because the two of you have reputations as ethical and effective detectives. The word is that if you arrest someone, that person is probably guilty. And smart and experienced defense attorneys are reluctant to let their clients in the interrogation room with either of you."

Bobby stared into his drink. "That…That's a lot of responsibility," he said softly. "I'm not perfect…Eames may be…but I'm not…I've made mistakes…"

Carver shook his head. "I may have disagreed and fought with you, Detective, but there are many things I admire about you. And you've just demonstrated one of them."

"What…"

"Many cops…Many people," Carver said deliberately. "Would regard the information I just gave you as an indication of their great abilities. They'd seek to use it in some way. But you…Your first thought was about how such trust in your abilities results in a great responsibility. You didn't regard this as a great thing for you, but how it might hurt someone."

Bobby couldn't tell if the fog in his head resulted from the alcohol in his body or Carver's words. "Thank…Thank you…That means a lot…Especially coming from you…"

"Look at this!" Mike Logan plopped into the booth beside Bobby. "Mr. Carver and Detective Goren having a civilized conversation with each other."

Carver smiled. "We are capable of civility…I'm sorry…I nearly called you Detective."

"Don't worry, Mr. Carver," Logan said. "Most of the people in here are calling me that, and I'm probably going to be answering to it for a while."

"My apologies, gentlemen." Carver rose and stood unsteadily. "I think I should speak to Captain Deakins while we're both still capable of forming words."

"I've actually missed that guy," Logan said as he moved to the other side of the table. "At least he admitted he could make a mistake and you didn't have to watch your back around him."

"Yea," Bobby said. His lips and tongue felt thick and he wondered if the sadness folding over him was the result of Logan's departure, his encounters with Carver and Deakins, or the drinks he consumed. "Eames and I were talking about how we missed him. We're gonna miss you, too, Logan."

"Just how much have you had to drink, Goren?" Logan asked. "You're not going to get all touchy feely on me?"

"I hope not," Bobby snorted. "Although I'm not sure why you seem to be more sober than me."

"I cut myself off a while ago…My reputation…Particularly lately…As a drinker is overrated."

Bobby sighed. "I'm afraid my consumption of liquor has gone up in recent months. I need to start watching it."

"Maybe," Logan said. "But you've never developed a reputation. But take care of yourself…and Eames…I'm glad the two of you are still part of the department. It's good to know that at least the two of you and Wheeler and Ross are still there."

Bobby stared into his drink. "Ross has stuck his neck out for me a lot."

"Yea. Once he knows he can trust you, he's on your side. I've had a couple of drinks with him. He's not a bad guy."

Bobby felt a twinge of jealousy, followed by one of guilt. "I…I wish I could talk to him…Or he could talk to me…But we…We just…" He waved his hand.

"You know," Logan said. "Ross feels the same way."

Bobby snorted. "Yea…"

"Yea…Really…You frustrate him…But not for the reasons you might think. At least not entirely…" Logan looked up at the bar, where Ross was deep in a conversation with Wheeler. "Ross is a really bright guy…Very well read…He's not used to being in a room with a guy as smart or smarter than him who doesn't care about what the Brass cares about him as long as they let him do the job…"

"I worry about the Brass now," Bobby said. "If only to try to protect Eames." He looked up at the bar, where Deakins and Alex had joined Ross and Wheeler. Deakins had apparently just said something that mortified Alex and amused Ross and Wheeler. The quartet looked in Logan and Bobby's direction, and the latter quickly lowered his eyes.

Logan hadn't seen the other detectives' interest. "I hope you stay around and keep the Brass honest, Goren. I'd like to think there's some people left in the NYPD that I admire. I'm curious…"

"Uh?" Bobby wondered if another drink would sustain his body's warmth and numbness or just make him sick.

"You've go to be more frustrated with the job than me," Logan said. "The Brass has treated you worse. And you're a much brighter guy than me. I know the stories…"

Bobby felt a heavy weight settle in his stomach as he considered the stories Logan might have heard.

"Barak," Logan continued. "Told me that the FBI wants you…Has for a long time…The army would take you back in a heartbeat…Federal, state agencies want you." Logan waved his hand in the direction of the bar's door. "You could walk out of here and into any college in the city and get a job teaching."

"Uh…I think their standards are a little higher than that," Bobby said. He felt hot and dizzy, and wondered if he should chance another walk outside.

"What I want to know…The last request of a retiring cop…" Logan smiled. "Why are you a cop, Goren? Why are you here? Why do you stay?"

"I count three questions, Logan," Bobby said. "Three requests. Although, I guess they're really one. Funny…Deakins asked me the same thing…At least why I became a cop…When he was forced out…You deserve an answer as much as he did."

"I don't know about that," Logan said quietly. "I talked to Deakins…Before I resigned…The only thing that made me feel like resigning wasn't the right decision was that I felt like I was letting Deakins down…Letting him and the cops like you and Eames…And my old partner, Lennie Briscoe. You ever meet him?"

"Once," Bobby said. "When Ed Green was his partner. Poisoning case. I liked him. I'd heard a lot about him, of course. Sounded…Acted…Like he was everything good about a New York City Cop and nothing bad."

Logan turned his empty glass in his hands. "Yea…That sounds like Lennie…And I think he'd be proud of that description. God, I miss the guy. And Ed Green's left the department too. You and Eames may be all that's left."

Bobby watched the glass spin in Logan's hands. "I had…It was a rough when I was a kid…The cops came a couple of times. They helped. And when I went in the army…They put me in CID. I was good at it, and I liked it. But I got tired of moving around so much…and I needed to be close to help take care of my Mom…" Bobby paused and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I thanked you…Didn't I? For coming to the funeral and the gift to Carmel Ridge?"

"Yea…You did…You were a little preoccupied…"

"Yea…I…I…don't know what I would've done without Eames. Don't know what I would do without her." Bobby looked up at Alex.

"Oh," Logan said.

Bobby turned to him. "What?"

"You don't know," Logan said slowly. "You're the most brilliant guy in the NYPD…and you don't know." He turned his head to look at Alex. "I don't think she knows…and she's one of the best detectives…"

Confused, Bobby leaned forward. "What are you talking about?"

"For God's sake, Goren," Logan said. "Wake up. She's the reason you stay."

Bobby stared at him.

"It's for Eames. You stay for Eames."

END CHAPTER FOUR


	5. Chapter 5

There's one bad word--THE bad word--but used in context.

CHAPTER FIVE

Bobby's heart pounded, and his head swam. "No," he thought. "He can't know…If he knows…Who else…I've tried so hard to hide…No…"

"C'mon, Goren," Logan said. "You can only look past so many of the Brass' stupid moves. And no matter how much you believe in the idea of serving and protecting, you gotta have some connection…Something real…And that comes down to your partner…I know…A couple of the guys I worked with…Lennie Briscoe, for one…Like I said…God, I miss Lennie…They're the reason I stayed for so long…And with you…It's for Eames…She's your partner, and you stay for her…"

"Ok," Bobby thought, relief surging through him. "Logan…He doesn't know…Know that you're in love…"

"Yea," Bobby said. "That's it…For Eames…For cops like you." Logan probably didn't realize it, but he'd thrown Bobby a lifeline that Bobby intended to cling to for all it could hold. "And Deakins. Maybe even Ross." Bobby tried to smile.

Logan hadn't caught Bobby's brief panic. "You know, I was closer to nearly all of my partners…even Falacci, as short as that was…than any woman I ever dated. I hate that I just went through three partners in four years."

"I don't think you should blame yourself for those too much," Bobby said. "Falacci was temporary…Wheeler had to leave…And Barek…Carolyn…"

"Ah," Logan said. "Confirmation. You guys were awfully good at hiding it."

Bobby spun a glass on the table. "She left Major Case because…Mostly because she got that great offer from the counter terrorism unit…Which was perfect for her…But…We…She was…wonderful…terrific…But…I…I did what I always do…I fucked it up."

"If you did," Logan said. "She didn't say anything about it…She never told me the two of you were together…We never got that close…But the way she talked about you the few times she did talk about you…Well…It was extreme like if not love…She told me you got that job offer first…"

"Only because I've been with the Department longer…I wouldn't get that offer now," Bobby said.

"Well, I know why you didn't take it," Logan said.

"Yea…I don't want to leave my partner," Bobby sighed. "But I shoulda taken it…I shoulda taken it and let her have a life and career…"

"Oh, C'mon Goren," Logan snorted. "Eames has stayed with you too. She's had plenty of chances…I've heard. She stays because she wants to. Nobody and nothing is going to make her stay or go anywhere."

Bobby wondered if his growing sobriety was worth the confusion and pain it was costing him. The idea that Eames might be staying for him was so alien that he couldn't grasp the idea. "Why…Why would she…anyone…"

Logan shook his head. "Damn it, Goren…Use that Jupiter sized brain of yours. You make her look good. You two have the highest solve rate in Major Case…Probably in the Department. You're the best target for her smart ass remarks. And she's smart enough to know you've made her a better cop."

"So good she's got a target on her back," Bobby said bitterly.

"Goren…We've all got targets on our backs," Logan said calmly. "The good cops from the bad cops. The bad cops from the good. You saw how quickly Copa hauled his ass out of here." Logan allowed himself a brief sinister smile. "Copa's got a bigger target on his back now than Eames or you ever had."

"I…I…" Bobby's head dropped into his hands. His elbows rested on the table. "I shouldn't have drunk so much…Or drunk a lot more…"

Logan smiled again, a very different sort of smile from the last one on his face. "I suspect Eames is going to be very happy you didn't drink more, at least if she wants someone she trusts to get her home. In spite of cutting myself off, I'm in no shape to do that. And it doesn't look like any of our former or current colleagues are going to be in any shape to do it either."

Bobby turned and looked up at the bar where Ross, Deakins, Carver, Wheeler and Alex all appeared to be in a state of happy inebriation.

"I've never seen Ross or Wheeler drunk," Logan mused. "It's interesting. They both seem to be happy drunks…At least at this stage…"

"I'm sorry, Logan," Bobby said. "This is your party, and you're spending it babysitting me."

"Like I said, it's my party and I'll do what I want to," Logan laughed. "I hope you and Eames hang in there, Goren." Logan's mood changed quickly. "Watch out for Wheeler. Don't let her give up or get turned. She's a good kid. Scary smart. She's a good cop and could be a great one with some help. I…" For the first time in the conversation, Logan was uncertain. "I…I'd appreciate it if I could keep in touch with you, Goren."

Logan slipped out of the booth, and Bobby followed his move. They both wavered when they stood, but quickly found their footing.

"Thanks, Logan," Bobby said, carefully forming the words in his head and mouth before he spoke. "It…Your help…You thinking highly of me as a cop and a man…It means a lot because of the source."

Logan stuck out a hand, and Bobby took it. "You're one of the best, Goren," Logan said warmly. "I'm proud to have worked with you…Proud to have known you. I suspect one of my few claims to fame will be that I worked with Bobby Goren."

Bobby smiled sadly. "The whack job…"

Logan's grip tightened around Bobby's hand. "No…Bobby Goren…The great cop and good man…"

Bobby suddenly found himself drawn into an awkward but forceful hug. Logan half slapped, half pounded him on the back before releasing Bobby and stumbling towards the bar. Bobby stood stunned for a moment, and then fell heavily back into the booth. He stared at the table until he heard a waitress ask if he needed anything. He considered more alcohol, but decided against it in favor of a coke. He was deeply immersed in a study of the soda's bubbles and their patterns on the glass when a shadow fell over him.

END CHAPTER FIVE

Yea, it's a short chapter, but I wanted to get something up for this story before Thanksgiving.


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER SIX

Bobby looked up to discover Captain Danny Ross wavering over him. "Captain," Bobby said and started to stand.

"Goren…Stay…" Ross waved a hand and plopped in the booth across from Bobby, who heard a slur to the Captain's words. Bobby felt as if he were in a trap.

"Your partner," Ross continued. "Is very cheerful when she's had too much to drink."

Bobby wondered if Alex was a safe subject.

"Are you sober, Goren? She's going to need a ride home. I can't provide it. Carver and Deakins can't. Maybe we'll all need cabs…" Ross rambled.

"Don't worry, Sir," Bobby said. "I stopped a while ago. I can get Eames home. And anybody else."

A waitress appeared, and Bobby subtly ordered two more cokes.

"And there's Wheeler," Ross said. "I've known her for a long time…Since she joined the force…But I don't think I've ever seen her drunk…Even a little tight…You know…Of course you know…You know everything, Goren…You know about the theory that your real personality comes out when you drink? If that's true, Wheeler's a sweet kid."

"I think," Bobby said deliberately. "That may depend on what stage of consumption you're at. I go from happy quiet to morose to self pity to oblivion myself."

"Tonight?" Ross asked, and the thought Ross wasn't as drunk as he appeared crossed Bobby's mind.

"I reached the self pity stage," Bobby replied. "But I'm back to merely morose…Which is good. Lately I've been skipping morose and going right to self pity."

Ross smiled sadly. "I think you're got a right to some pity, Goren."

Bobby wondered why Ross was using his name so much, and why it meant so much.

Ross leaned across the table. In the dim light of the booth's lamp Bobby saw the Captain was having trouble focusing. "I owe you some apologies, Goren."

"Not as much as I owe you," Bobby said quickly.

"No…No…" Ross shook his head. "I walked into this place…Well, not this place, but Major Case…Thought I knew what was going on…And just about everything I thought was wrong…Completely wrong…I thought Deakins had to be a bad cop…I know now he's a good man and a great cop…And Alex and you…If I'd just learn to leave the two of you alone…If the Brass would just learn that…You're an amazing team…"

Bobby desperately wanted to get out of this conversation. "It…It took Captain Deakins a couple of years to get us…And even then he usually needed Eames as a translator…"

Bobby's words seemed to fuel Ross' comments.

"And Moran…He wasn't always such…such…such a moron…Or maybe I was never as smart as I thought I was," Ross said. "But I know what side I'm on now."

A sharp pain began stabbing behind Bobby's right eye. "Sir," he said softly. "I…I really don't think of us as being on sides."

Ross chuckled. "Goren…Even as politically naive as you are…or as you pretend to be, you know the Department is in a perpetual state of civil war. At least now I know I'm on the right side. All I have to do is look for the one you and Eames are on…"

"Captain…"

Bobby turned and was enormously relieved to find Megan Wheeler standing next to the booth. She worriedly surveyed Bobby and Ross.

"Wheeler," Ross said. He started to stand, but seemed to think better of it and fell back heavily. "Remember what I told you…You could do a lot worse than follow Goren and Eames' examples."

Wheeler glanced at Bobby, who gave the younger detective what he hoped was an encouraging smile.

"I know that, Sir," Wheeler said calmly. "Captain Deakins has told me that several times tonight. And Logan."

"That's a lot of responsibility," Bobby said softly. "I'm not sure I'm up to being a role model."

"Captain Deakins sent me to tell you he's got a ride home," Wheeler said. "And since you live on his way, he wants you to know you're welcome to share the ride."

Ross eased out of the booth. "That sounds reasonable…"

Wheeler reached out to steady the Captain, but Ross managed to keep his balance. Bobby left his seat as well.

"I need to get Eames," Bobby said. "We should be leaving too."

Wheeler and Bobby escorted Ross to the front of the bar.

"I guess," Bobby whispered to Wheeler. "The alcohol hit him."

Wheeler nodded. "He doesn't drink much…and he can hold it pretty well. But when it hits him, it hits him."

The bar had emptied considerably in the last fifteen minutes. Logan sat at one end of the bar and accepted the salutes of the departing revelers. Alex hunched on a stool next to Deakins, and Bobby thought that she remained on the stool due to their former captain's help and her own will.

"Where's Mr. Carver?" Wheeler asked.

"Got a ride with another lawyer," Deakins replied genially. "C'mon, Danny. It's time for all good cops to go home…" He slipped from his stool and studied Alex.

"I got her, Sir," Bobby said and moved to gently ease Alex from her unsteady perch.

"You ok, Alex?" Ross asked. "You got a way home?"

"She'll be fine," Deakins said warmly. "Bobby'll take care of her. Bobby won't let anything happen to her."

The words stabbed Bobby, but he managed to keep his face frozen.

Ross leaned against Deakins as they said goodbye to Logan. Wheeler warily followed the two men. Bobby turned to Alex, who stood blinking bleary eyed at him. She leaned against the bar for support, and Bobby feared it might be difficult to get her to his car. She smiled crookedly at him, and Bobby's heart fluttered.

"I think," Alex said slowly and deliberately. "I need to go home."

Bobby smiled gently back at her. "I think you might be right."

The joined the line of people offering congratulations and condolences to Logan. "Hey, Goren," Logan said warmly. "You keep in touch…And hang in there…"

Bobby shook Logan's hand. For a moment he thought about hugging Logan, but Bobby thought that they had already said their goodbye. From the look in the other man's eyes, Bobby thought that Logan felt the same way.

"Thank you," Bobby said softly. "Thank you."

Alex stumbled forward and threw her arms around Logan's neck. "Goodbye, Logan," she slurred.

Logan smiled as he returned the hug. "Alex…I've been waiting for this since I got to Major Case…And I finally get some physical contact with you in my last minutes as a cop."

Alex's lower lip trembled.

"I think," Bobby said. "I need to get her home."

"Ah, Goren…You won't let me have any fun." Logan gently guided Alex to Bobby.

Bobby carefully escorted Alex to his car. The cold wind hit him sharply after the bar's heat, and seemed to sober Alex a bit as well. The fear that Copa and his friends might still be lurking kept Bobby on edge, and he was happy to reach his car. Alex was fortunately and remarkably malleable and quiet.

"You ok?" Bobby asked as he helped her with the seat belt.

"Yesh," Alex said. "Don't worry…I'm not going to be shick…"

"Here's a bottle of water," Bobby said. "Drink it. It should help you feel better tonight and tomorrow."

A wave of relief flooded over Bobby as he locked his car and pulled out on the street, something Alex recognized even in her inebriated state.

"Don't worry," she said. "Copa doesn't have the guts to come after you now."

"I'm not worried about myself…"

"H-m-m-m-pf!" Alex folded her arms across her chest. "I can take care of myself, thank you very much." The force of her words was undercut by a series of loud hiccups. "I guess I need that water," she said sheepishly.

"Yea…I guess you do," Bobby smiled. "Are you hungry? Need some coffee?"

Alex shook her head. "Sleepy…Very sleepy…" She yawned.

"Try to stay awake," Bobby suggested. "It'll make tomorrow a little better."

"It already is tomorrow," Alex said. "And it's not a good day. You and me, Bobby…We're all that's left."

"Oh…I don't know about that," Bobby said evenly. "There's Ross…There's Wheeler. There were those cops who were willing to fight with you and Logan against Copa." He glanced at Alex, who stared out the window. She was quiet through the rest of the drive to her home. Bobby guided her to her door, but Alex was steady enough to pull out her keys and unlock the door.

"Come in, Bobby," she said. "Please…"

He shyly followed her. He could count on one hand the number of times he'd been in Alex's new home, and he still felt like a stranger when he entered it. He realized that he'd felt as if he and Alex were strangers a lot in the past few months.

"Take you coat off, Bobby," Alex said gently. The alcohol she'd consumed started to lose its hold on her.

"I…" Bobby hovered in the small hallway before the door. "You probably need some sleep, Eames…"

"Bobby." Her voice came from the kitchen. "I'm going to fix some coffee. Like you said, the longer I stay awake, the less my hangover. And…" She shook her head. "I may have a doozy tomorrow."

"You…You need some help with the coffee?" Bobby shed his coat.

There was a crash in response, and Bobby rushed to the kitchen. He saw Alex staring at her coffeepot lying on the floor. She looked up at him and blew a strand of hair out of her eyes.

"I believe," she said wryly. "The answer to that question would be yes."

Bobby scooped up the pot. "Good thing this is unbreakable." He rinsed the pot and handed it to Alex. "Uh…if you could tell me where you keep the coffee…"

"In the fridge," Alex said. "You'll need to grind the beans."

Bobby pulled the beans from the fridge and noted happily that there was plenty of milk. He stood uncertainly. "Eames…I…I'm sorry…I don't know where the grinder is…"

"In the cabinet to the left above the sink," Alex answered.

Bobby nodded, found the small grinder, and dealt with the beans.

"You knew where everything was in my old place," Alex said when he stopped.

Bobby started. Alex had snuck up behind him, something she could rarely do. He stared at the ground coffee. "That…That was before…Before…" He carefully placed the coffee in the machine and filled it with water. He felt Alex shadowing his moves.

"This place still doesn't really feel like home," she said. "I think it's because you haven't been here enough."

Bobby's heart pounded, and he was strangely light headed.

Alex wrapped her arms around him as far as they could reach. "I've missed you, Bobby. I miss the way it was before. I want it back."

Bobby leaned forward with his hands resting on the sink's edge. He felt Alex's soft, warm hands on his chest. He heard the gentle gurgling of the coffee pot and the tender beat of her breath. He smelled the rich coffee and the scent of lavender and Alex.

"I…I want it back, too," he whispered, and turned to face Alex. He wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on her head. "But…I don't know how…or if…"

"This is a good start," Alex said.

"Alex," Bobby breathed. "Are you sure this isn't just the rum talking?"

"You believe the only way I could have feelings for you is if I'm drunk?"

"I…I can't understand why you'd want to be with me when I'm at my best…And…lately…I've certainly not been that…"

"The liquor might have loosened my tongue some," Alex admitted. "But the feelings are real. I've missed you, Bobby. I think we've got the professional stuff settled between us. I want to get the personal stuff…Well, not settled…I don't think that's ever going to get settled…I'm not sure I want to get it all settled…But…Like I said…I miss you…I miss being with you…Physically…Emotionally…I miss holding you…I miss being held by you…"

The coffee pot gave a final gurgle, and Bobby and Alex looked at it.

"Coffee's done," Bobby said.

"Yea…"

He carefully slipped from her arms and fixed two cups, filling Alex's with extra sugar. He handed her the cup.

"Ok," he said. "Here's to bringing it back."

END


End file.
